Hello Internet! (Courtney)

Happy Saturday! Well.. I guess it's Sunday now.
The official day of productivity for student procrastinators,
and day of judgement and forgiveness-seeking for the religious.

While technically it's the Sabbath now, the topic of my discussion of sorts is about Saturday.
Saturday in all its glory. I have always felt the expression 'TGIF' (thank God it's Friday)
should be changed to instead celebrate the pure awesomeness that is Saturdays.

No need to pry your lazy ass out of your body-temperature bed and cosy sheets early in the morning.
Often no school or work in the morning/day, (unlike Fridays for most people) and unlike God day, it's untainted by the gloomy realization, the stomach-writhing, soul-crushing reality that tomorrow is the beginning of another week of work and/or school, and other shit you don't want to be doing.

Bitchin' Saturday. That's where it's at.

So what did you do with your Saturday night?
Meet up with some friends? Go see a movie?
Go out on the town or grab a beer and shoot some pool?
That sounds nice.
What did I do?

I wrote to Ellen Degeneres.

I didn't think I would have something 'interesting' enough to share so soon (especially literally the day after I started this thing, specifically saying I don't think I will have much to share to the world), but how often does one write to Ellen Degeneres? (... usually only once).

Since I am pathetic
lonely
boring 
a dreamer (Supertramp tells me so), I wrote to that "can Ellen help you fulfil a dream?" section of The Ellen Degeneres Show's website.

And why would I do such a thing? Because of this woman:

It's OK to drool. I often do myself.

Tina Fuckin' Fey (note: not her actual middle name) is a comedy goddess.
American actress, writer, producer, comedian, and most importantly, my personal idol.
If that last part isn't on her already impressive resume, she should add it post haste.  


I want to meet Tina Fey
I want to go on a bicycle ride with Tina Fey (we would have to rent a tandem bike)
I want to touch Tina Fey
... I want to be Tina Fey. I'm already basically this woman:

Pictured: Liz Lemon, one of Tina Fey's most popular characters, the main protagonist in NBC's hilarious show 30 Rock. 


Liz is outlandish, hard-working, uncouth, obsessed with food, and does not work very hard at being 'attractive' or 'womanly'. She has worn bras held together by tape, consumed 3 Musketeers chocolate bars for breakfast, and devised a clever elastic system on her treadmill so the fact that she's almost constantly single does not deter her from doing up a zipper on the back of her dresses by herself.

I have done 2/3's of those things myself, and if we're counting her publicly walking around with a pop-tart in her mouth, as she is flatteringly pictured above, I have done 3/4's.

So, reflecting on the fact that it's a NEW YEAR and I want to be more POSITIVE in my life,
renewed and filled again with naive young hope, I decided, what the hell, write to Ellen.
I have nothing to lose (other than more of my rapidly shrinking dignity).

Awhile back I made a silly video for my boyfriend, who also watches 30 Rock and adores Tina,
(as my application form for hopeful suitors clearly states is a resolute requirement) where I decided, for some crazy reason, to dress up as and act out some of the lines of the characters Liz, Jack Donaghy, Tracy Jordan (and other minor African American characters), and Dr. Leo Spaceman from the program.

We all know that if you are serious about being on TV, you need to fulfil at least one of the following requirements, (bonus points for falling under multiple categories):

• Have some sort of disability, or (possibly) incurable illness 
• Be a member of some minority 
• Cry, be stupid and dramatic, and overall, an airhead
• Be the cast of Jersey Shore (who also fulfil the first and third requirement) 
• Offer to (or pretend to offer to) show your vagina and/or breasts on air, or allude to fucking someone 
• Be completely offensive; a die-hard racist or complete bigot are two examples 
• Be immune to the idea of public humiliation

Unfortunately, I fail to fulfil the following requirements....

• Have some sort of disability (unless repeated "foot in mouth" syndrome is considered a disability, in which case, ya know, show me the appropriate paperwork)
• Be a member of some minority  (god damn it, I never catch a break being Caucasian!) 
• Cry, be stupid and dramatic, and overall, an airhead
• Be the cast of Jersey Shore  (gym tan laundry? I'm Casper white, and... what's a gym?)
• Offer to (or pretend to offer to) show your vagina and/or breasts on air (what's breasts?) 
• Be completely offensive; a die-hard racist or complete bigot are two examples 

Which sadly, but not surprisingly, only leaves: 

• Be immune to the idea of public humiliation

Which lead to me writing to Ellen the following, including a link to my embarrassing 30 Rock impression video...

"Once in a generation a woman comes along who changes everything. Tina Fey is not that woman, but she met that woman once and acted weird around her."
--- From the back jacket of Tina Fey's "Bossypants"

Since I have begun my plea to you, the fine individuals involved with The Ellen Show, with a quote from Tina Fey's book, it should come as no surprise that my request to you involves this stunning, exceptionally talented comedian.

I am begging for the opportunity to meet Tina Fey, and to, of course, act weird around her.

I draw many parallels to this woman, and feel the same strong sense of connection to her character Liz Lemon on 30 Rock, my favourite show. I even made a video of myself impersonating some different characters from 30 Rock, reciting some of my favourite lines. The video can be watched here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Nr9WZGxJrk&feature=youtu.be

I possess a very self-deprecating and "black comedy" sense of humour, similar to that of Fey's, was also once overweight and still hold an obsession with food, was plagued with a mullet hair cut that my mom thought was "neat" for several years, (the opening quote I used is placed next to a young photo of Fey, proudly sporting a boyish bowl cut) and have always possessed a deep-seated interest in acting, writing, and simply entertaining others.

I put a picture of Tina on Facebook, and my own mother and aunt thought it was me. I am Tina Fey.

My proof:

Please let me meet myself.
And dance with Ellen :)

So there we have it. My Saturday night, which I apparently found interesting enough to blog about.

If you're still with me, reading this, and watched the video link included in my submission, I can only be sure of one thing.... if you held any respect for me prior to watching it.... you definitely don't now (Courtney).

If you want to be one of the few individuals in the world who supports my far-fetched delusions, comment on this blog, and if I am selected to appear on Ellen to meet my beloved Tina, I will give you an on-air shout out.

Because that's how desperate for support cool I am. Just how I roll. 

And to save fellow lazy people from a Google search:

If anybody else is interested in suspending their disbelief long enough to dream like I, that one lesbian woman with an extreme love of dancing can really make your dreams come true, you can write to her, pleading your case here:

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/show/respond/?PlugID=548

Also, if you didn't understand my Supertramp reference;
1) Get off my planet. They are an awesome music group
and 2) Educate yourself on their sheer majesticness (yes, I just made up a word), here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BruEmB7_1ok

Have a wonderful Sabbath all.