I have a few friends who are creative in different ways similar to myself but who really own the fact that they're a "creative type" and I'm constantly jealous of their bravery. Normally, I'm bold enough of a person to not really care if someone I cross paths with isn't a fan of me, but, admitting to others that you're one of those Arts-degree-holding, museum-loving, I write/sketch/paint/do stand-up comedy in my spare time type of individuals takes balls. Normally such a proclamation ends with a room of people staring at you like you're a chain pot-smoking, lazy, naked bongo playing hippie lacking any self-direction... so, basically, they look at you like you're Matthew McConaughey. Nobody wants to be seen as Matthew McConaughey (except him, perhaps).
I try to give myself credit for the things I have done, the chances I have taken, because there's a lot of them. I've always been the type of girl who told boys when I liked them, I was in plays in High School, on the Improv team in University, auditioned to get into Ryerson's Acting program, I have a YouTube channel and I dance like an idiot and don't care who sees. All of these traits have really helped me enjoy my life thus far, but I wish I sort of owned who I was even more. One of my creative friends recently printed off a bunch of his short stories into a self-made book, set up a card table at the University we both attended and attempted to sell them. While I don't normally care what people think of me or if people approve of me, that right there is something I can not ever see myself doing. You sit there at your table, and people pass by, seeing you as the vulnerable raw nerve that you are, a "struggling artist" and it's easy for them to make snap judgements about you which are often wrong. You're lazy, didn't go to school, anyone can write (a laughable claim), and that really starts to get to me. Make judgements about me or don't like me? Fine. Make judgements about what I do, my interests, and what I potentially want to dedicate my life to? That hurts. If you see me as less legitimate than someone in a suit and tie because I'm fairly certain a desk job lifestyle isn't for me it's not my issue, it's yours, but, in the moment, I lose my perspective and wonder what's wrong with me. I need outward gratification for my decisions and the direction of my life more than I should, more than I want to.
Shane Koyczan is one of those people who owns what he does, owns that he's a writer/poet/spoken artist to such a level that it makes me feel like I can't write at all in comparison. The topics he writes about always hit such a humane cord and his words are always so polished and well-spoken that it gives me shivers. I've already listened to this particular piece three times today and it reminds me to be bolder, own who I am more, and get out there. As Shane himself says, "... failure was never nearly as important as the fact that we tried".
Personal fav lines: "Six feet above the underground where we will all one day rest. So remember every instance before death. Every first kiss, first dance, near miss, last chance, yes, no, maybe so."
"Let us live like we meant it. Let us burn like we mean it. Because this world doesn't give a shit if we end in a train wreck or a car crash. If our story ends with a dot or a dash. If we were dust or ash."
Trust me... watch it.
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